Still on my quest to present ways to be pure in your life! I preach tomorrow at youth and feel a HUGE burden to instill in them determination in the area of sexual purity. That burden flows over into the adults at North Creek.

So, here’s my tips for affair-proofing your marriage. They will seem overly simple. That’s because if you draw the right boundary, all of the rest is irrelevant!

1. See my last two posts. Do those.

2. Never be alone with the person of the opposite sex. Ever. No really…never ever. In 12 years of marriage, Mark and I have painstakingly done what it took to avoid being alone with the opposite sex for more than about 2 minutes (the amount of time it takes to get out of that situation). Here’s the main reason…it’s hard to have an inappropriate relationship in public. No matter what other temptation you face in your life, the one thing you can control most effectively is your environment. I am now so trained that it has become second-nature.

One important facet: “Alone with someone of the opposite sex” includes chat rooms, extended IMing, and phone calls that go beyond business issues.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this one tool. No matter how strong or weak I feel, I can always control this facet of my purity. And it is a guardrail that protects me from so many other pitfalls. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that this boundary is ridiculous and impractical. OK, well, then call me the Queen of the Ridiculous because my purity in God’s eyes and my commitment to my husband is more important than my practicality.

Boundaries…try it.

This week I am focusing on purity issues in our marriage as a tribute to the purity sermon that I’m preaching at youth.

One of the areas that Mark and I are diligent to remain pure is our thought life. What a tough one! Actions are easy to guage, but how do you control the millions of thoughts that you have every day? Each one of them must come under the authority of Christ. For example, when a woman walks by my husband, he is accountable to the thoughts that he has (and vice versa)…

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

That is a tough standard to live by, but as Mark has preached, you can’t let your thoughts guide your decisions. You’ve got to DECIDE how and what you will think on.

Here’s some tips that I use personally:

1. Don’t go there. I do my best not to ever put a foot in the door of my thought life. If the door to an inappropriate thought even cracks, I close that door quickly. Dwelling on the “what if’s” and allowing an option in my heart does me no good. I have resolved that Mark will be my husband until the day one of us dies, so there’s no point in having any other thoughts in my heart. They aren’t fulfilling a void, but rather creating one.

2. “De-romanticize” those thoughts. Marriage is no fairy tale or romance novel. There is no sweeping off the feet and perfect passion in the real world. The ugly part of the story is morning breath, dirty socks, screaming children, and pre-coffee grumpiness…just like you have in your current marriage. So, when your mind wants to imagine a different life with different circumstances, remind yourself of the things in your reality that are wonderful. Think on those things and stay focused on the covenant that you have made with your spouse.

Again, purity is 100% up to you, so my little tips are irrelevant if you don’t intend to fight for yourself. All of this has to come AFTER a resolve to stay pure.

I’m preaching at youth this week on purity, so I will blog a few times this week about ways that Mark and I guard our purity. I really hope that some of our boundaries encourage and bless you. It is a difficult road to remain pure in actions and in your thought life. I’m in this fight with you.

I believe that pornography has been made a cultural norm that is quietly destroying the foundations of marriages inside and outside of the church. If you go to www.biblegateway.com and type in sexual immorality, you’ll get a computer full of verses about how God HATES sexual immorality. Allowing images on your computer or in a magazine to fill a need for sexuality actually shreds the opportunity for intimacy in your current or future marriage. That is why God hates it. He knows that intimacy with Him and with your spouse is the true foundation of maturity.

Pornography is a decision. You can control the urge to have that as a part of your life. You can choose to solve this issue in your life. Mark speaks often to many men in our church that have struggled with this issue and are successfully navigating the temptation to make this a part of their lives. I don’t know all of their names or their stories, but what I do know is this…they all WANT to change and that is their driving force. The other thing that Mark tells me is that many of them are now thriving in this particular area of purity.

Here are three boundaries that Mark and I have made for our marriage:

1. The computer/phone/whatever technology comes next is an open book for the other spouse. We read each other’s emails, we check each other’s histories, we know that our laptops are not private property.

2. We have filters and accountablity software. www.xxxchurch.com emails us any questionable sites that have been landed on every two weeks.

3. I ask Mark all of the time how he is doing in this area and he asks me, too. I am amazed at how many wives and husbands take on the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” philosophy of purity in their marriage. I have the opposite opinion. We talk about the opportunity for sexual immorality all of the time. Here’s some dumb questions: Do you think that woman is pretty? Were you tempted today? Do you still have feelings for your ex? Here is some great questions: When you are tempted, are you doing a good job at turning your attention back to me? How is your thought life? Have you looked at pornography since the last time I asked you?

Mark and I are currently doing well at not having pornography as a third wheel in our marriage. I say currently because pornography is an easy trap to fall into and we are on top of it at all times. It is an easily acquired sin in our day and age. As a result of purity in this area, we are also doing well with real intimacy and trust in our lives.

Read this blog with your spouse and begin the conversation about how you can help each other. Get past the hurt and the wounds and get to the real conversation…how can we fight this together?

I love Sundays…if you read my blog regularily, you already know that!

Here’s my weekly highlights:

Tracy O. and Joel are two men in our church. They are pretty manly guys – both military men, godly, over 35, butch…you know the type. Today Joel leaned on the bar, Tracy came over, leaned next to him and said, “So, what’s your favorite GI Joe?” And then a conversation ensued about their favorite GI Joes. I watched in amazement. It was like two 9 year olds talking about what they got for their birthdays. I laughed at them and then started talking about Barbies with Katie…

One of our new guests at church today left us a note on Facebook: “Just wanted to inform you all, I LOVED church today. First time since moving that I’ve really felt like I belong somewhere. I really felt welcome there. It was awesome! Thank you so much!” Thank you to Chrystal for really making her feel accepted.

Loved Mark’s sermon. It was about DOING what you HEAR on Sunday mornings. Tough message if you take it to heart! Seems so easy, but it means that when we talk about purity, you are now accountable to be pure. When we preach on tithing, you are now accountable to tithe. When we preach on forgiveness, you are now accountable to forgive. All of these (and more) are monumental tasks!

A friend of mine told me yesterday that she’s pregnant! Yes, I cried. I always do.

We went and visited Helen in the hospital after church yesterday. She’s doing well after her surgery! That’s either because of God or her morphine drip…maybe both.

Thanks to Brian for coming over yesterday to cut down the rest of the stump left over from our tree project. It took a big truck to yank that thing from it’s roots. Other than cutting the cable wire while my neighbor was watching the game, we had no problems. He’s a police officer with a gun. Not sure you should be cutting his cable…

I hope that you had a wonderful weekend! May your week be blessed and may His favor be with you!

Yesterday was a busy day in the Newell family and for North Creek!

Mike Martin (baptized in July) and Cheri Clark got married at the church. It’s not the first wedding in our North Creek family, but it was our first wedding at the bar…which looked amazing, I might add! Very classy and beautiful in the midst of our trendy setting. They are off and running in a marriage that will honor God. We will finish up pre-marital counseling with them this week. It was such a fun experience to give them tools and tips to succeed in marital bliss!

Also, Helen had her surgery yesterday, which went great! Helen put her faith and trust in God and will continue to do so for a month long recovery. Thank you to the 15+ people who offered to bring meals, clean, bring groceries, and babysit. It is nice to be in a church that tries our best to help our “family” out in tough times. One email held a lot of power!

Thank you, Lord, for being with us no matter what we face – weddings or surgeries – you are there in our midst.

See you tomorrow morning! It was a long and eventful week and I need to be with my church community.